One Last Final: "Mutual Pathology / Are you reading me right now?"

I need you.

I wrote some bad things and burned them, I wrote some thoughts I called "not-me" and got rid of them. I'm better now, I'm different.

"...I cannot even scream... When did it start exactly? When did it end? ... It was the only way. I hate it,...I feel sad knowing I hate it ... And then at the same time I feel good...I came upon the unreality of forever away ... gravity pulling apart a single stone until it forms a ring... Virtue: embarrassment, humility...saved me from a death least erotic... Oh Sade... I do not wish to become virtuous anymore! I do not wish to live this life of wordplay!"

Excerpts with the context redacted. Things I cannot tell you, things I cannot speak. Of course there is another writing still from which no excerpt is provided. There's an intimacy I am beginning to reserve only for those who are dear to me. There's an interiority to my soul which is beginning to develop. I was afraid to say these things to the people I love most. I was afraid to tell them, to speak them to their faces, to demand instant response. The experiment is over, go home. Sleep. In less than a month, this will all be gone, saved forever to my hard drive. If you care, and if I care for your opinion, I'll share this blog diary with you again.

Like I always should / Strange as Angels

"Why Can't I Be You"
"Blue Monday"
"Eyes Without a Face"
"Bizarre Love Triangle"
"Ego Tripping at the Gates of Hell"
"Lovesong"
"Just Like Heaven"